Leon C Pereira PhD
Clinical & Behavioral Psychologist
45-955 Kamehamema Hwy, Suite 401
Kaneohe, Hawaii 96744
Relationships - Page 2
A sense of fairness or equality plays a role, as well. This feeling tends to be very subjective and is often a major source of conflict. Each individual needs to feel that he or she is treated fairly; that he or she is not "getting the raw end of the deal". If any individual feels that he or she is doing too much, has too much responsibility, that the other individual is lazy, selfish, uncaring, or irresponsible, and so on, there will be growing resentment and conflict.
Acceptance (or tolerance) is crucial in a relationship. Each individual has his or her own beliefs, preferences, bias, and quirks. These include religion, musical tastes, food preferences, style and appearance choices, hobbies, ways of coping, emotional reactions, mannerisms, and more. Each individual may or may not be willing or able to change any of these. When this is true, the other individual(s) must be able to accept, or even tolerate, the other person's idiosyncracies. If a habit or choice is "part of who the person is" then one has to learn to "live with it", or reach a compromise. Otherwise, conflict will keep arising. In other words, there is no point in getting angry or distressed by something that the other person cannot or will not change. Of course, in a parent-child relationship, parents have considerable influence over a child's behavior. However, sometimes a child (or especially a teenager) may have a strongly held preference that, as long as it is not unhealthy or dangerous, may have to be accepted. Between adults, other than ending the relationship, there is no other way to resolve such differences.
Companionship, or "quality time", involves having fun together. At work, for example, this may involve sharing jokes, celebrating birthdays, socializing, etc. At home, in addition to the above, companionship would include family time, romantic evenings, vacations, etc. To the extent that responsibilities and resources, such as time and money permit, the more quality time spent together the better. But remember, fun does not have to be expensive.
All of the other factors determine the strength of the bond that develops between the individuals involved. The better the communication, the stronger the respect and trust, the greater the acceptance, support, and perceived fairness, the more fun experiences shared together, the stronger will be the bond and the better will be the relationship.
If your relationship with your partner or spouse or any family member or group member (co-worker, teammate, etc) is weak in any of the above areas, I can help.
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